Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
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I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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