he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
