Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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