Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
