you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
