My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
