Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
