Got a toothbrush?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
