this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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