Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
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He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
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The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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