You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
