Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
