Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
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the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
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A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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