she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Is it because I queefed?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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