remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
