If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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