I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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