There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
