remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
