We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
