Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
