also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
