if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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