lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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