I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
