Apparently you make a good broom.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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