Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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