At least make sure they are 18
Why
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You are a genius and a whore.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
