you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize