Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
