After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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