he wants to bone in the snuggie
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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