adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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