what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
