she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize