I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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