It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
