he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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