im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
