i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
