what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Randomize
