Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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