did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
