I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
