he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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