Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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