dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
