it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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