Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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