"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Shame - the story of my life.
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