i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
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I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
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It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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