The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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