who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
My ass is underappreciated
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
