she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
