I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
All the doctor said was why
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
