my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
