we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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