Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
