I accidentally had phone sex last night
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
