why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
