hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
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He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
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